I’m not a fan of those blogs which detail the minutiae of people’s lives and complain about the latest disasters to befall them. So I try not write like that myself, especially when I view my wonderful life in perspective to other less fortunate people’s. But still, it is my life and lately it’s been pretty stressful. I’m hoping that by writing it all down I’ll obtain some kind of peace about what’s that happened and maybe even start to laugh at it all.
When I was pregnant with my first child I began losing my Mom to cancer. So although I was thrilled to be pregnant, those days are still suffused with sadness and stress in my mind. Because of the pregnancy hormones my emotions were even more haywire and I remember sobbing uncontrollably a number of times and often waking up with a heaviness that would not shift.
This time round, I was excited to be able to celebrate a pregnancy and enjoy it, focusing on me and my baby’s health and on taking things easy. Well, the universe had other ideas. The stress I’ve caused myself has been mostly self-induced, this is true, because you see we decided to move house before baby number two arrived. This in itself is not unusual and I even wrote about it for parent24, giving some helpful advice to would-be Mums on how to make the move easier. Again, I think the universe thought this was hilarious.
I may as well start with the brick wall that fell on our car, as you will see from this photograph. We’d parked it in a residential parking lot and gone inside to have supper. Joburg experienced such heavy rain that there was a build up of water on the other side of this wall, which then knocked it over on to the side of our car. None of the other six cars in the parking lot had a scratch on them, although I suppose ours had enough dented metal, scratched surfaces and broken glass to make up for all of them. At the moment the car is in the garage and the insurance companies are fighting about who should pay (obviously none of them want to).
Then shortly after the stress of moving house, our home got struck by lightning. Again, I’m very thankful that no one was hurt but that still doesn’t pay to replace all the appliances, security system and gate that were burnt to cinders by nature’s wrath. We heard the sizzle of electricity, the crack of thunder and then various sirens going off for every item that was ruined. We also had a gate that would not close, which is not ideal at 1 am in the morning as you stand pregnant in the pouring rain in your nightie, holding a torch in one hand and a terrified screaming toddler in the other.
Besides all the financial stress these incidents have caused, they also create unnecessary admin as you fill out claim forms and try and get things fixed, in between trying to earn a living. And something that you may normally be quite rational about is taken as a personal affront when things don’t go your way (which is often). Yesterday for the second day in a row I tried to get into my own home after doing the school run and couldn’t because the lightning-struck gate wouldn’t open. So I was stuck outside with a hungry, overtired toddler, in the boiling hot sun and I just lost it.
Rachel was confused and kept asking my why I was “cwying” and it was hard to explain that it wasn’t just because of the broken gate. It was everything. All my frustration, my stress, my anxiety was pushed over the edge by that broken gate. I feel sorry for the guy who came to fix the gate (his third visit to our house in a week), because he had an unstable pregnant woman on his hands and I could see he was slightly terrified.
But this is life isn’t it? It doesn’t always come up roses and I’m beginning to appreciate that more and more. We may not be able to afford to buy anything to put in our new house but we have a wonderful roof over our heads, our health, each other and the ability to earn a good living.
I know my problems may be “privileged” problems, but they are still my problems.
Thanks for the vent – here’s to a better few months.